I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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