How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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