; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize