i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
