he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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