one two three fourrrrnication!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
