john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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