I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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