like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
