rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
