Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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