Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
