Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
