if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?