I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar