i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.