Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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