It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
