Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
