After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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