I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
