this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
