xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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