when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
