My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
