Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
