I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
