I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize