So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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