i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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