Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
