4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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