So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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