Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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