i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
