You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
