My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
