no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
