A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
