I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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