Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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