were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
