This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
