Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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