My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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