what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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