why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
