Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
