you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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