the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize