Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Someone signed my nipple.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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