what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
