I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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