I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
