I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
