So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
