So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
