there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
