3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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