Me too!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
